listen to it ^
This was it.
This was the end for everything.
Stepping forward just ever so slightly, you look down. Maybe for you it’s thousands of rocks having salty water angrily smashed against them; the only sound heard is the wind rapidly whipping past your numb feeling ears, and the faint sound of seagulls.
Or maybe it’s the impatient sounds of horns nosily blasting from behind and in front, to your left and right, all around. And as you look below even though it’s blurred from your glossy eyes, you see hundreds of cars zooming past. No one paying attention to you.
But you tell yourself that’s what you want, you don’t want the attention. Those kids at school saw your cuts, and now they call you horrible things, they tease your sexuality, your dreams even more or maybe it’s something you regret ,being told to you over and over again. It makes your head pound and your breathing hitch, your stomach rumbles as it’s ready to send everything that you tried so desperately to put in, out.
Their taunting expands, and you get called names.
They keep coming and coming, and it makes you feel hollow. It’s made you feel this way for so long that you are used to it; you find peace and serenity in this darkness that you are in every single day. The words become believable and you start agreeing.
Maybe I did eat too much.
Maybe I am a freak for falling in love with that guy
I am disgusting
I should die
Die, death. It sounds so sweet, and as the word rolls of your tongue you can’t help but give a sad smile. That’s all that repeats in your head.
Everyone wants this
I should do this for everyone
My family would be so happy
Your family. Maybe you don’t have a mother or father, or annoying but still amazing sibling, but you still have someone. Maybe related by blood, maybe not, but still someone. As you close your eyes, all you can think of are the bad things you’ve done to them; all the times they have been so angry with you that they blocked you out for a while. That time when you felt so upset that you ripped every single photo of them up and you screamed until your throat felt like a brutally scratchy record.
But they were still there for you, and they still are. Right now they’re probably at home, half dozed off on the couch with a half-eaten bag of chips or something, and they are insisting that they are watching the TV even though they can’t even remember what it is that was on the television. Or maybe they’re working late at the office, their inner self freaking out about the noises outside, even though it’s just cars going past. Or they’re listening to your least favourite band, the one they put on just to irritate you, and are on the laptop doing absolutely nothing.
But you left a note, how come they aren’t here? That’s your question. Why aren’t they noticing why you aren’t there? They never pay attention to you ever, an even better reason to do everything in your will to make your hearts rhythmic beating stop.
But they aren’t there because they give you the space you want, the space that isn’t even good enough in your eyes. They let you sit in your room without disruptions because they don’t like to see you angry at them for annoying you, so they do it how you have always wanted. That’s why they don’t see the note, or the silent cry for help to come and help you. You get the time you always wanted. The time you always savoured is the time you hate now, and all you want is them there to stop you.
But you can stop yourself. You can still go home, and maybe there is a punishment, but it’s okay because that means that you are there and with them and you are alive.
They are still there, because they had been after all the times you messed up, and that’s what matters. You fight, sometimes more overreacted than needed, but you are still there. They still care, and you care for them. You don’t need those stupid people that say the way you feel is wrong. Focus your happiness on the people who give it to you, and do everything you can to give it back. You don’t need to worry what others think, because you are you, and you are happy with the people in your life and all the good things you’ve been given.
But it isn’t easy to ignore them; they will still be there in the living flesh still taunting those words.
But it is easy. You can do it, don’t overreact it. Lock out the voices and just smile. Every push you get,just think about how strong you are. How strong it was of you to not break after the first, or the second , or the third and the countless ones after that.
With all of this in your head, all of these positive thoughts you smile.
You smile down at the now peaceful ocean, or the gorgeous lights.
And you step back.
And you continuing walking back, until you are back where you belong.
With the people that love you.
Because there is always someone.
if anyone puts this on their blog please give me the credit, because this isn't a silly photo, this is something from deep down in my heart, thank you.